Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Remembering Wendy

(scanned photo taken about 10 years ago)

Today is a very sad day for me.

On the first day of March (March 1st) Wendy and I were born, fifteen minutes apart.

On the last day of March (March 31st), 2 years ago, we said good-bye. Last year when I posted about her here, I remember thinking that with time the pain of losing my twin sister to cancer would ease. I really hasn't.

I know I have a lot of work to do. Grieving work. There are days I forget she is not here and reach for the phone. The shock that I can't talk to her almost bring me to my knees. A dear friend of hers called on our birthday this year and after saying hello she told me she just wanted to hear Wendy's voice. We had the same voice - we could often fool people.

Our journey together was often a rocky one but through it all we shared so much.

For the first fifteen years of our lives, we were inseparable. I actually never thought of myself as one. I was always a part of a duo. We did everything together. Sang our first song (a duet of course) on stage at the age of three, began piano at five, violin at ten and all and sundry other activities....but always together. We could play "make believe" forever and never needed anyone else, props or toys. We had each other. That was enough.

We could finish each other's sentences and sometimes...often....didn't really even need words. No one laughed harder at my jokes or antics than Wendy. We found delight in everything and only we "got it". Sometimes we were referred to as the giggle sisters.

But most of the time we were just called "twin".

When I am very sad, I have to stop myself and remember that most people don't have the gift of a twin sister. And I'm forever grateful that we had her last two months to enjoy each other, reminisce and heal. I was able to accompany her to travel to her daughter (my beloved neice - Natasha) to say good-bye and to see her just days old first grandchild (sweet baby Michael).

That helps.

But I will always miss her.

My Wendy.

I scanned the above picture from a family portrait we had taken about 10 years ago. We don't really have too many recent pictures together and I realize that I have to frame this one.

(I have a hard time seeing daily reminders of loved ones who are gone but I know I have to in order to heal.)

So, I thought I would convert it for Black and White Wednesday and perhaps frame them both.

the long road


I think I like it better in color for one reason. Wendy was all about color. Her favorite colors were turquoise (and all the various shades and hues therein) and lavender. She called it orchid., of course.

We were one!

We had many differences too. Like I could paint a picture with paint and canvas, Wendy could paint her visions with words. She was amazing. Her letters, notes, poems, prose and even the beginnings of a novel wove images that could catch the imagination and make you soar. I have a box of many of her notes through the years that are my most treasured of her. She was more introverted, I'm an extrovert, she could agonize over the details, I'm more a
"be bright, be brief, be gone" kind of person.

I guess she was the yin to my yang....or the yang to my yin.

Yes, maybe both!

Here's to my Wendy!


Tracychele @ The Week-Ender said...

Wow, Wanda. You bring me to tears. I never knew and must go read the post about her. I have heard about twins and the bond. I am so sorry. When you made the Yin Yang comment, I was thinking it already. You must cherish the box of notes forever. I will say a little prayer for you and the rest of the family today. (((HUGS)))

Grossesse Made in China said...

Big hug to you Wanda :) xxx
Dali and Manon xxx

Gail said...

Wanda, I am deeply sorry for the loss of your sister, what a beautiful tribute to the woman who was truly part of you.

The work of grieving is hard, I know that first hand. Take your time, there's no set time frame. And it may take a lifetime.

And I believe with all my heart she's walking right next to you on the sidewalk. Always.

You are in my prayers,


Love Letters To China said...


I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to lose someone so important in ones life. I lost my father almost 3 yrs ago. That was horrific, but your loss far exceeds the pain I felt.

I will say a prayer for you to find inner peace. I love the photo of you and your sister in b&w. It really shows the love in your eyes for one another.



Susan said...

Wanda, what a wonderful tribute to such a special person. Big hugs to you.

Buckeroomama said...

What a lovely heartfelt tribute to your sister. {{hugs}}

The Sanders Family said...

A beautiful post Wanda. Wish I could give you a hug right now, but I cyber-hug will have to do!!! I can't even imagine what it would be like to lose your twin. I pray that you can have healing and remember the good times. And can I just say, you are both gorgeous!!!

Kayce said...

Beautiful words for a beautiful sister. I love the picture in both black and white and color. Sending hugs your way.

Donna said...

Wanda, your love for Wendy is a beautiful as the smile you both share. The memories are never as good as having a loved one right here. I know what you mean about forgetting she's gone and reaching for the phone. In time it will get easier but it takes much more time than two years. And, of course, the pain never goes away. That's the price of loving someone. But I'm sure you agree that it's more than worth it! :::hugs:::

Our Blog: Double Happiness!

kerri said...

Oh Wanda, there are now words...
I am so sorry for your loss, sending you hugs today.

M3 said...

"My Wendy". That just says it all, doesn't it? The bond between twins is a precious magical bond. I'm so very sorry for your loss and am sending you huge hugs and extra special good thoughts (and more than a few tears, to be honest).

Marla said...

Oh Wanda, I am so sorry. What a beautiful post to your gorgeous sister. Big hugs to you today.

Mei Mei s and Mayhem said...

Wanda what a great tribute to your sister! Im so sorry for your loss!! {{HUGS}} to you on this very difficult day!!

Amy said...

I can understand why today is a difficult day for you. Remember the good times and cherish that picture!

Jodee Leader said...

I, too, am so sorry for your loss. What a sweet tribute for your Wendy. Sending hugs from Nebraska!

Growing Up A Country Girl said...

This was a beautiful post -- Wendy is smiling... Thank you for sharing this very difficult time in your life. Keep your memories close!

EllieNat said...

Wanda, I'm a first time visitor to your blog. What a sweet tribute you have written for your twin sister. So sorry for your loss.

Your daughters are gorgeous!

Ellie said...

Oh Wanda, I'm just so sorry for your loss. I really appreciated reading this beautiful tribute, I felt I got to know you so much better. Your Wendy was and is very special. Sending big hugs :)

Yaya' s Changing World said...

What a beautiful tribute to your sister. It makes me very glad that we will see our loved ones again in the hereafter. Without that knowledge, I would long ago have cried myself a river. Instead, I enjoy quiet conversations with those who have crossd through the veil before me. I still miss 'em at times, terribly, but know I'll see them again. Keep your sister in your heart and be sure to keep her in your conversations. She's still with you.

~ Yaya
Yaya's Changing World

Ashley said...

What a beautiful tribute to your sister! My thoughts are with you as you continue to go through the grief...

Blessings, Ashley

Lisa said...

Wanda, I just don't know what to say...What a loss. Two years is not that long.

I lost father only 6 months ago and today...I am having a VERY hard time. One thing that helps me is when I pray I always ask my father to pray with. Then I cry and pray or read my Bible...I always feel him with me in my prayers and for the rest of the day I have strength. Maybe it is his strength. I think it is.

I really believe there is a special place in Heaven for the Cancer victims...CANCER SUCKS!!!

Much Love to you,


Domestic Goddess..Diva sometimes said...

I didn't know Wanda that you had a sister. I am so sorry that she fought a battle with cancer. :( She's now looking after you and your girls.

Sophie said...

Wanda this is a beautiful tribute to your sister. I'm so sorry for your loss and know all too well how difficult it is to grieve a sibling. My brother passed away 11 years ago at 27 and it is the worst type of pain I've ever felt. The other difficult thing about losing a sibling is watching your parent's grieve, from the time my brother died I've felt like my mother has had one foot in the grave, she's had a hard time moving on.

Thank the Lord that Jesus paved the way for us to be reunited to our beloved ones that are no longer with us and we have His promise to hold on to. May the resurrection of our Savior bring peace to your heart.

Leslie said...

OMG HUGS>.Cancer sucks and imsooo sorry your sister isnt w/ you any more!!!!!
That pic is AMAZING just perfect you are both soo stunning!!!

Dita said...

OH, my could I have missed this post yesterday??

I am crying here just reading this. I read and re-read your words and I can't stop staring at the picture of the two of you together. (I like the color one best). You are both so stunning yet your differences shine through so clearly.

I have a brother that I am so close with that people call us the twins...we are 15 months apart though not 15 minutes! If I lost him, I would be out of my mind...I don't know how you do it. I know that having the opportunity to watch your girls experience the incredible joy of sisterhood right before your eyes must be soothing to you though.

Nothing can bring Your Wendy back but I imagine some days when you look in the mirror its good to see little pieces of her staring back at you.

I am so very sorry for your loss, my friend. I am sending you a HUGE hug. We need to chat again..SOON!

Miss you!

Super Mommy said...

Wanda, what a lovely tribute to your beautiful sister. I am so sorry for your loss - big hugs to you.

Alyson and Ford said...

Wonderful, happy words for your beautiful sister. So sorry.

Alyzabeth's Mommy

a Tonggu Momma said...

Oh Wanda... I don't even know what to say. Your sister was beautiful, as are you.

Liz said...

~Hi Wanda~

New follower here. =) What a touching post and wonderful tribute to your sister. I have a sister & we are 11 1/2 months apart, so your post really got to me. ((Hugs))

I just saw your kitchen pictures and it makes me want white cabinetry even more. It will be a huge undertaking, so I am still thinking about it. =)

Congrats on your two beautiful girl's...what a moving story! You are very blessed. =)

Thanks for visiting my blog and for commenting!

Savvy Seasons by Liz

Mahmee said...

Thank you for sharing those lovely words about your beautiful sister. She sounds like someone I would have liked to have known.
Sisters are a precious gift and I'm so very sorry that you lost yours.
Hope that you two find each other again down that long and winding road.
Take care, M.

3D said...

Nothing more to say as you have offered a lovely tribute to a beloved friend and sister. Hugs...

Keep smilin!

Lisa said...

Oh my sweet amazing friend......I just didn't know....I'm so sorry for this tremendous loss but am in awe of your ability to handle it with such grace and a thankful heart, for having been given the gift of your sister.......

Please know this beautiful and touching post honors both her memory and the relationship you shared.

We are just home and I wanted to pop in to send Easter wishes....please know my heart goes out to you and I'm sending hugs.

I hope to "catch up" on all the rest of your blog soon.....


Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

Hi Wanda,

I saw this post today when I was "catching up" but didn't have time to comment.....

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister. From our conversations, I know that you had an amazing bond with her and that you continue to carry a piece of her in your heart every day.

She was so beautiful......just like you!! I am sure she is smiling down on you now and so very proud of all that you have accomplished these past two years.

Hugs to you..... what a heartfelt post and tribute to such a special person in your life!!



Valerie said...

Wanda, I am catching up on my reading and just saw this.

How awful to lose a sister, and a twin at that. My brothers are twins, and thre is something significant in being a twin.

Of course you are still in grief, my goodness you lost a part of yourself. To think there were two such talented and stunning beauties in one family.

I know what your friend meant when she wanted to "hear" Wendy's voice. I can look at pictures, but it is the sounds and smells that start to slip away in our memories.

My heart reaches out to your sadness and loss, I know it well. Gone too soon, but not forgotten and I truy believe we will all be reunited again.

Your example of living such a full and wonderful life is a great way to honor those who have gone on ahead.

Warm hugs and thoughts being sent to you.
Love Valerie

Teresa said...

I have been close friends with many twins and there really is a special bond with a twin that defies science, I think.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your sister. The pain doesn't really go away. I lost my dad when I was 8 and there are times when I really could have used his wisdom and help and miss it. My mom died in 2004, just a week before Caroline was born in China. I remember wanting to call her, but remembering that I couldn't.

Your tribute to your sister is beautiful.

Briana's Mom said...

Wanda - I am just finally catching up on blogs. I had no idea that you were a twin and that you lost your beloved sister. I am so sorry. What a beautiful picture of you and your sister.

Thinking of you...